The Season No One Talks About
When Your Children Are Grown - Really Grown
We talk a lot about the empty nest - that first rush of quiet when your children leave for university or the bittersweet pride when they move into their first flat. We talk about the milestones - their first “proper” job, first big relationship, the first time they come home for Christmas with someone new in tow.
But there’s another stage that no one really prepares you for.
It comes later.
When your children are perhaps in their thirties.
When they have truly found their stride.
They are working, settled, paying their bills, managing their own lives - often beautifully. They’re doing everything you hoped they would. And that’s the strange part - you got exactly what you wanted for them.
And yet… something inside you quietly aches.
Because the phone calls are less frequent now. The quick “Mum, can I borrow a bit before payday?” has stopped. They don’t need help moving house or advice about a new boss. They have got it sorted - and that is wonderful. But it also means they no longer need you in the way they once did.
It is a time of immense pride - and an unexpected sense of loss.
For decades, your identity was entwined with being their guide, their sounding board, their safety net. Even when they were adults, you were still on call - emotionally, practically, financially. But now? They are fine. They are thriving. They are living exactly as you hoped.
And you find yourself wondering:
What now, for me?
This isn’t the “empty nest” anymore - this is the silent space after it. When the nest has been empty for years and you have adjusted to that - but now, there’s a deeper distance. It’s not about them leaving home; it’s about them leaving the stage of life where you were central.
No one talks about this stage because it looks so positive from the outside. Your children are independent, the family is doing well and life looks “settled.” But internally, many parents describe feeling a mix of quiet pride and quiet grief - a tug between fulfilment and irrelevance.
You are proud that you have done your job - but you miss being needed.
You are glad they are confident - but you miss being consulted.
You love that they have found their rhythm - but you are still trying to find yours again.
As a life coach, I often sit with clients in this exact space.
They will say things like:
“They don’t need me anymore - and I know that’s good, but I feel a bit… lost.”
Or
“I’ve spent so many years being ‘Mum’ that I’m not quite sure who I am when I’m not actively parenting.”
And it makes perfect sense. This isn’t a failure - it’s a transition. It’s a moment to pause, reflect and gently reclaim your own identity.
Now is the time to ask:
What do I want to do with this next chapter?
What brings me energy and meaning?
What parts of me have been waiting quietly while I was needed by everyone else?
Because the truth is, your relationship with your children doesn’t end - it evolves. They may not need to borrow money or call for advice on everything, but they still need your presence, your wisdom, your love. It’s just a quieter, more spacious kind of parenting now.
And in that space, there’s an invitation - not to fill the gap, but to grow into it. To rediscover yourself not as a parent in the thick of it, but as a whole person again.
So if your children are in their thirties and thriving - and you find yourself both proud and quietly adrift - know that this is a normal, tender season of change. One that deserves to be spoken about.
Because it’s not the empty nest anymore.
It’s the open horizon.