The Grass Isn’t Greener.
It’s Just Prioritised Differently.
One of the most memorable things about Sex and the City was how completely different the four women were.
They had different careers, different attitudes to relationships, different ideas about success, different tolerances for risk and crucially, very different priorities.
Carrie Bradshaw is perhaps the clearest example.
She loved fashion. She loved shoes. She loved eating out, New York, dating, experiences and the version of life that made her feel most like herself.
And she spent accordingly.
In one of the show’s most famous storylines, Carrie realises she has spent around $40,000 on shoes while having almost nothing put aside to secure her apartment. The moment works because it is funny, outrageous and also painfully human. She had earned money. She had simply chosen, consciously or otherwise, to spend it somewhere else. IMDb
Miranda’s priorities looked different. Her career mattered enormously. She worked hard, pursued partnership in a demanding legal profession and built a life around independence and achievement. Charlotte placed far more value on marriage, home and family. Samantha prioritised freedom, career, sex, independence and enjoying life on her own terms.
None of them were pursuing exactly the same version of a good life.
And perhaps that is the bit we forget when we compare ourselves with other people.
We compare outcomes without seeing the trade-offs
It is incredibly easy to look at somebody else’s life and think they have more.
They are always going on holiday.
Their house is beautiful.
They seem to have endless money for clothes.
They are incredibly fit.
Their business is growing.
Their children seem to do everything.
They are always out for dinner.
Their career has taken off.
From the outside, we see the result. What we rarely see is what sits underneath it.
Maybe the family taking three holidays a year has deliberately chosen not to renovate the kitchen.
Maybe they barely eat out for the rest of the year.
Maybe they save every spare pound into a travel account because seeing the world matters enormously to them.
Perhaps the person with the immaculate home does not care about expensive clothes.
Maybe the woman who appears to “find it easy” to stay fit is exercising at 9pm after putting the children to bed because it is the only time she has.
Perhaps the person building the successful business has spent two years saying no to weekends, evenings and holidays.
Maybe the couple driving older cars could comfortably afford newer ones but would rather put the money into experiences.
We see the holiday. → We do not see the four weeks of fish fingers that helped pay for it.
We see the body. →We do not see the alarm at 5.30am.
We see the promotion. →We do not see the studying after everyone else has gone to sleep.
We see the new extension. → We do not see the holidays they chose not to take.
That does not mean every visible success comes from heroic sacrifice. Sometimes people simply have more money, more support, more time or fewer responsibilities. Circumstances are not equal and pretending they are would be ridiculous. But comparison becomes particularly unhelpful when we assume somebody else has achieved an outcome without making any choices to get there.
Every yes quietly contains a no
Money is perhaps the easiest place to see this. Unless we have unlimited resources, spending £1 somewhere means that £1 cannot also be spent somewhere else.
Time works in almost exactly the same way. An hour spent working cannot simultaneously be spent exercising, sleeping, seeing friends or sitting with your children.
This is not depressing. It is simply reality.
Every life is made up of trade-offs.
The problem is that we often want somebody else’s outcome without wanting the choices that created it.
We want the holiday but also the meals out.
We want the savings account but also the spontaneous spending.
We want the promotion but not necessarily the additional responsibility.
We want to feel stronger but do not particularly want to exercise when we are tired.
We want a quieter life while continuing to say yes to everything.
Again, none of this means there is a morally correct choice.
Carrie spending thousands of dollars on shoes was financially questionable if home ownership mattered to her. But if clothes, fashion and experiences genuinely mattered more to her than owning property, then the issue is not simply that she bought shoes.
The real issue is whether her spending matched what she ultimately wanted. That is a much more useful question.
What do you actually want your life to look like?
We spend a surprising amount of time pursuing things because they appear to be what successful people are supposed to want.
A bigger house.
A promotion.
More savings.
More travel.
A certain body.
The right school.
The impressive job title.
The fashionable clothes.
But very few of us stop regularly enough to ask whether those things genuinely matter to us. Because if you are not clear on what you value, almost anybody else’s life can make yours feel inadequate.
Someone posts from the Maldives and suddenly your perfectly lovely week at home looks disappointing.
Someone announces a promotion and you begin questioning your career.
Someone loses weight and you decide you lack discipline.
Someone buys a beautiful house and suddenly yours feels small.
Their life has not changed your circumstances. It has simply disrupted your sense of whether your own choices are good enough.
That is why clarity matters.
If you know that your priority for the next two years is financial security, then somebody else buying designer clothes can simply be something you admire rather than evidence that you are missing out.
If travel is one of the most important things in your life, you may happily drive the same car for ten years.
If being present for your children matters more to you right now than career progression, watching somebody else receive a promotion does not have to diminish your choice.
If career growth is incredibly important to you, you may decide that you are comfortable sacrificing some leisure time temporarily to pursue it.
When you know your priorities, other people’s choices become interesting rather than threatening.
You can look at someone else and think, “That’s brilliant for them,” without immediately asking, “Why don’t I have that?”
We need to stop comparing our whole life with somebody else’s priority
Social media makes this particularly difficult because we are constantly being shown people’s highest-priority categories.
One friend loves travel, so we see travel.
Another loves interiors, so we see the beautiful home.
Someone else loves fitness, so we see workouts and races.
Another person is intensely career-driven, so we see achievements.
What we end up doing is combining all of those different people into one imaginary superhuman.
She travels constantly, has an immaculate house, earns a fortune, exercises five times a week, has perfectly behaved children, cooks from scratch, sees her friends, maintains an incredible relationship and somehow also gets eight hours of sleep.
She does not exist.
We have simply taken the most visible priority from ten different people and decided one person ought to be doing all of them.
No wonder we feel behind.
Your bank statement and calendar tell the truth
There is a simple exercise here.
If you want to know what you currently prioritise, look at two things: your bank statement and your calendar.
Not what you say matters.
Not what you wish mattered.
What currently receives your money and your time?
The answer can be uncomfortable.
You may say travel is important but realise almost none of your disposable income goes towards it.
You may say health matters but notice that it is consistently the first thing removed from the diary when life gets busy.
You may say family time is your biggest priority while discovering that work occupies nearly every evening.
This is not about guilt. It is information.
Sometimes the result will confirm that your choices already match your priorities.
Sometimes it will show a gap.
That gap is where intentional change becomes possible.
Priorities can change
Another important thing is that priorities do not have to remain the same forever.
There will be seasons when career comes first.
There may be years when children need more of you.
There may be periods where saving money becomes essential.
Other times, spending money on experiences may feel far more important.
You may once have prioritised status and later value freedom.
You may spend years building something and then reach a point where you want to enjoy it.
None of that means you made the wrong choices before.
Life changes.
So do we.
The aim is not to create one perfect hierarchy of priorities and follow it forever.
It is to keep checking that the life you are building still reflects the things that matter to you now.
Comparison becomes easier when your own direction is clear
You will probably never stop noticing what other people have.
Humans compare.
But comparison feels very different when you are secure in your own choices.
Instead of, “Why are they always on holiday?” it becomes, “Travel clearly matters to them.”
Instead of, “How does she stay so fit?” it becomes, “She is obviously giving a lot of time and energy to that.”
Instead of, “They’re so lucky to have that house,” it becomes, “That is something they have chosen to prioritise.”
You do not have to dismiss other people’s achievements to feel comfortable with your own life.
You can admire something without needing it.
That might be one of the most freeing things we can learn.
Maybe the grass is not greener
Maybe it has just been watered differently.
Carrie watered fashion, freedom and experiences.
Miranda watered career and independence.
Charlotte watered family and traditional security.
Samantha watered autonomy and pleasure.
Different choices produced different lives.
Our job is not to work out which one was right. It is to work out what we are watering.
Because money is finite.
Time is finite.
Energy is finite.
And if we try to prioritise everything, we eventually prioritise nothing.
Perhaps the question is not, “Why do they have that and I don’t?”
Perhaps it is:
What have they prioritised to create that life, and is that something I actually want to prioritise too?
Sometimes the answer will be yes.
And that might mean changing how you spend your time, money or energy.
Sometimes the answer will be no.
And suddenly the comparison loses much of its power.
At MOCO, we think there is enormous freedom in knowing what matters to you.
Because once you are clear on what you are building, somebody else’s life stops looking like evidence that yours is lacking.
It simply becomes another example of what can happen when we choose where to put our time, money and attention.