Dad Bod vs "She's Let Herself Go"

Why Are We Judging Parents So Differently?

Picture this. A man walks onto a beach in a pair of swim shorts. His stomach is softer than it used to be. He's carrying a little extra weight around the middle. People smile. They laugh. Someone comments on his "dad bod." The phrase is often delivered with affection. Sometimes even admiration.

Now picture a woman walking onto that same beach. Perhaps her body is softer than it was before children. Perhaps she has stretch marks, loose skin, wider hips or weight she hasn't lost since pregnancy. The comments sound very different.

"She used to be so slim."

"She's really let herself go."

"Hasn't she lost the baby weight yet?"

The question is:

Why?

Why are we so comfortable celebrating one whilst criticising the other?

The Curious Case of the Dad Bod

The term "dad bod" has become surprisingly positive.

For many people, it represents a man who is relaxed, approachable and focused on family life rather than spending every spare moment chasing a six-pack.

In many cases, a dad bod is seen as evidence of a life well lived.

A sign that someone has priorities beyond appearance.

And perhaps that's not entirely a bad thing.

The problem isn't that we celebrate dad bods.

The problem is that we don't extend the same kindness to women.

The Double Standard

For decades, women have been sold the idea that pregnancy should change everything...

Except their appearance.

Society expects women to grow a human being.

Give birth.

Recover physically.

Navigate sleepless nights.

Breastfeed if they choose.

Return to work.

Carry much of the mental load.

And somehow emerge looking exactly as they did before.

In fact, many women feel pressure not just to recover but to "bounce back."

As though pregnancy is something to erase rather than an experience that permanently changes the body.

Meanwhile, men are often granted far more flexibility when it comes to appearance.

A softer stomach becomes a dad bod.

A softer stomach on a woman can become a topic of conversation.

But Women's Bodies Actually Change

This is perhaps the most striking part of the comparison.

Women's bodies go through enormous physical changes during pregnancy and childbirth.

Hormones shift.

Muscles stretch.

The abdominal wall can separate.

The pelvis changes.

Breasts change.

Fat distribution changes.

Sleep deprivation impacts recovery.

For some women, these changes are temporary.

For others, they become a permanent part of their body.

Men, by comparison, do not experience these biological changes.

Yet somehow society often shows greater compassion towards their changing appearance.

When you stop and think about it, it feels a little backwards.

It's Not Just About Weight

The conversation is often framed around appearance, but underneath it sits something much deeper.

Identity.

Worth.

Expectations.

Many women report feeling pressure to prove that motherhood hasn't changed them.

To demonstrate they are still ambitious.

Still attractive.

Still capable.

Still "themselves."

The message can feel like this:

Have the baby.

Love the baby.

Raise the baby.

But don't let the baby change you.

The problem is that parenthood changes everyone.

Mothers.

Fathers.

Families.

Lives.

Why wouldn't it change our bodies too?

Men Feel Pressure Too

To be fair, men are not immune from body image pressures.

Many fathers feel expectations around fitness, strength, success and providing for their families.

The rise of social media has increased appearance-related pressures for men too.

This isn't about creating a competition between men and women.

It's about recognising that the standards are often different.

Whilst men may feel pressure to be fit, women are often expected to be fit whilst simultaneously recovering from a life-changing physical event.

Those are not the same starting points.

Perhaps We Need a New Conversation

Maybe the answer isn't criticising dad bods.

Maybe it's extending the same grace to mothers.

Perhaps instead of asking whether someone has "got their body back," we should ask why we assume it was ever lost.

Perhaps we should stop viewing post-baby bodies as problems to solve.

And perhaps we should recognise that bodies tell stories.

Stories of pregnancies.

Births.

Sleepless nights.

Growth.

Change.

Resilience.

Life.

The MOCO Perspective

At MOCO Coaching, we work with people navigating some of life's biggest transitions.

Parenthood is one of them.

And one thing we see time and time again is the pressure people place on themselves to return to who they were before.

But what if the goal wasn't to go backwards?

What if the goal was to move forwards?

With compassion.

With confidence.

And with appreciation for everything your body, mind and life have carried you through.

Because whether you have a dad bod, a mum bod or simply a body that looks different to how it once did, your worth has never been measured by your waistline.

And perhaps it's time our conversations reflected that.